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Constantly Processing

Does anyone else feel like their mind is constantly spinning, processing, and attempting to improve?  I am gonna give you a glimpse of what is going on in my brain lately...

As I near the end of this second pregnancy and pass through another birthday, I can't help but ponder every little thing I do.  Is it worth my time and energy?  Should I be investing in anything I am not?  What am a doing that I should drop?  What am I not doing that I should add on?

I want to get back to being creative, but my minimalist mindset feels like creating for the sake of creating is wasteful (even though I know it is not)... I want to teach my kids to be creative for no reason so why do I struggle with it so much myself?

I have been pondering if "routine" is really best for us/me.  I think it has benefits for sure, but I am just feeling like everyday of my life can feel like ground hog day if I get too set in my routine.  Don't you think it is best to change it up a bit?  But the familiarity of routine has been proven to help with anxiety, which I struggle with, so where does that leave me?  

I am about 7 months pregnant, but I still have a hard time humbling myself and asking for help, even from my wonderful husband.  I am exhausted and spent and uncomfortable constantly, but it's like if I can keep up my appearances and not let anyone know then I won't have to deal with it and that sounds easier than the honesty  route.  Why is it so hard to admit when we need something?

This year for lent our church is taking a deep dive and giving up sugar, alcohol, media (social media, websites, tv, etc...) and "unnecessary spending" in addition to a weekly 24 hour fast (which I am not doing because of the aforementioned pregnancy) and prayer around the clock.  I realized that when I take these kinds of tasks on, and I assume most people go through this, I feel lost as to "what to do" and I end up feeling frustrated with myself for feeling that way.  Without media what is left?  Isn't that awful... Struggling to feel present...Gets me thinking about where my time falls.  Sticking to this is already hard and I am 1.5 days in... I am sure I will be processing this quite a bit the next 40 days.

Does anyone else worry that they love their first baby so much they cannot imagine loving another baby with the same capacity?  I keep imagining another little life and I know I will love them, but guys Reagan is my life right now... how can I love another person like I love her?  I am sure I am about to find out!  But can you pray for me as I navigate that one?

This post is just a lot of processing, rhetorical questions and ponderings, but if you have any insight for me, or are just asking the same questions, feel free to reach out!


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