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I have been thinking a lot lately about creative expression.  

I know many people who have found their mode - they are writers, public speakers, singers, florists, designers, film makers, photographers and painters.  They see the world through those lenses and they make their mark as often as possible.  They breathe beauty and find meaning.  They inspire me.

I have tried many creative expressions on as my own.  I have painted and written and done photography and sang and created mixed media pieces, and while some fit better than others, I do continue to return to the same expression consistently as a means of calming.  I think we all need a more beneficial way to "tune out" rather than television.  Numbing our brains feels like a cop-out to me, but I think engaging our brains in a different way seems healthier.  Does that even make sense? However, what I have been thinking about lately, is whether or not we all have a "best creative fit" or a tendency to healthier numbing... Do we even all have a creative fit at all?   I have also been wondering if we should all have a "dream job" or "life goal."  Something to be working towards... to dream about...

I find myself envious of people who know what they want.  They have some ultimate thing they are working towards.  They want to be a mom or a CEO or open their own business.  They have drive to get to those things and nothing can stand in their way.  When they achieve them, they are truly satisfied and feel like their work and focus were worth it.  If you ask me what I want all I can come up with is that I want to be with my family as much as possible, I want to travel, and I want to be present in all moments.  Those are not things you "arrive at" they are daily decisions.

My relationships with the Lord and others are what is most important to me and I would forego all else to work on those.  Often times, I feel lazy.  Work is just work to me, and it sincerely does not matter in my grand scheme of things.  I find no worth in success.  Money sustains me it doesn't propel me.  It is a means to put food on the table and see the world.  For me, that is enough.  The lazy feeling comes from the way I was raised, to work is honorable.  And it is.  I don't disagree with that.  

I guess what I am processing is whether or not this is good or bad or anything.  Does everyone struggle with work pulling them away from their families?  Does everyone feel the pull to figure out another way?  Does everyone feel like this is a hopeless cause?  How can I re-invent the wheel in my life?  Is this the standard 30 somethings lament on life?  Does that matter?

I guess the biggest take away for me is to remain joyful throughout this process.  Keep spreading love and light to everyone around me.  Talk about things that matter.  Engage with people and be present.  I don't have to have all the answers...

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey." — Wendell Berry


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