Skip to main content
I have been thinking a lot lately about creative expression.  

I know many people who have found their mode - they are writers, public speakers, singers, florists, designers, film makers, photographers and painters.  They see the world through those lenses and they make their mark as often as possible.  They breathe beauty and find meaning.  They inspire me.

I have tried many creative expressions on as my own.  I have painted and written and done photography and sang and created mixed media pieces, and while some fit better than others, I do continue to return to the same expression consistently as a means of calming.  I think we all need a more beneficial way to "tune out" rather than television.  Numbing our brains feels like a cop-out to me, but I think engaging our brains in a different way seems healthier.  Does that even make sense? However, what I have been thinking about lately, is whether or not we all have a "best creative fit" or a tendency to healthier numbing... Do we even all have a creative fit at all?   I have also been wondering if we should all have a "dream job" or "life goal."  Something to be working towards... to dream about...

I find myself envious of people who know what they want.  They have some ultimate thing they are working towards.  They want to be a mom or a CEO or open their own business.  They have drive to get to those things and nothing can stand in their way.  When they achieve them, they are truly satisfied and feel like their work and focus were worth it.  If you ask me what I want all I can come up with is that I want to be with my family as much as possible, I want to travel, and I want to be present in all moments.  Those are not things you "arrive at" they are daily decisions.

My relationships with the Lord and others are what is most important to me and I would forego all else to work on those.  Often times, I feel lazy.  Work is just work to me, and it sincerely does not matter in my grand scheme of things.  I find no worth in success.  Money sustains me it doesn't propel me.  It is a means to put food on the table and see the world.  For me, that is enough.  The lazy feeling comes from the way I was raised, to work is honorable.  And it is.  I don't disagree with that.  

I guess what I am processing is whether or not this is good or bad or anything.  Does everyone struggle with work pulling them away from their families?  Does everyone feel the pull to figure out another way?  Does everyone feel like this is a hopeless cause?  How can I re-invent the wheel in my life?  Is this the standard 30 somethings lament on life?  Does that matter?

I guess the biggest take away for me is to remain joyful throughout this process.  Keep spreading love and light to everyone around me.  Talk about things that matter.  Engage with people and be present.  I don't have to have all the answers...

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey." — Wendell Berry


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

In the Nursery: Whole Hearted Parenting Manifesto

I recently finished a book by Brene Brown titled, DaringGreatly
It really moved me, and I am definitely still processing it.
At the beginning of the book I wasn’t resonating deeply with the topic of vulnerability, as most people will tell you I am an “open book”.  I will answer most questions without holding back and love to deep dive into good conversation.  However, what I came to realize through her many examples is that we all wrestle with vulnerability, guilt and shame throughout this book even if is more momentary than constant.  I gleaned SO MUCH from this book that I did not anticipate, and I thought I would share this Parenting Manifesto that she put right at the end of the book.  I am printing it and framing it for our nursery, as I think it communicates some deep parts of my heart cry for parenting my kiddos well.

I hope this resonates with someone else as much as it did with me.  
I needed these words to remind me that parenting is not a checklist, it is a lifestyle.  …

At the Library - May through September 2019 Reading

We had another baby in May (SO much more on that later) and blogging has obviously taken a back seat, but I am still reading for pleasure and have managed, in my sons first four months of life, to complete these 8 books!  Y'all, I remember a time when even completing 2 books a year would have sincerely sounded daunting, much less with a newborn.  If you want to read more, you can find the time!  Take stock of your days and see where you are wasting hours.  For some of these, I listened to the audio book while I was pumping or watering the garden.  
Rather than give you an individual breakdown of each of these books, I just want to report I found them all incredibly enjoyable.  A total cross section of a food memoir to a psychology deep dive to nature centric novels, I would recommend them all in different capacities.  



A Penny For Your Thoughts - On Insecurity and Looking Back

I have felt compelled to write about something lately, and been shying away from it, which is not my typical style.  As I look back over my life, I have recently realized that I finally feel like "enough".  I know my worth is in the Lord and I know I am beautiful and worth people's time, but that has not always been my story.  Far too often from the ages of 12 to 30, I defined my worth by whether someone was interested in dating me or not and after I got married, whether people "liked me" and wanted to be my friend or to hire me.  Was I pretty enough?  Interesting enough? Worth someone's time?  Talented enough?  Smart enough? etc...
Recently, as pictures pop up in my Timehop (an app that shows pictures taken the same day as far back as it can reach through social media and the camera roll on my phone), I distinctly remember feeling like I was either fat or unattractive in most pictures.  I remember being embarrassed of my pants size.  I remember wearing to…