Have you ever thought, "God just has me here for a season"? I know I have. I justify so much time away with lines like this. "I just haven't found where I am meant to be yet." "I know God has a plan, and he will reveal it to me soon." Why do we do this? What is innate in us that makes us feel that we need to justify away anything that isn't our perfect dream path?
I had a different direction planned for today's blog, but today something happened that effected me and made me sing a different tune. I have never revealed where I work on this blog, and I still do not intend to, but I will say it is in the realm of Real Estate in a global company. You would most likely recognize the name. Today, I went to a huge meeting, where everyone (including myself) were in black and navy suits discussing market research, 2013 goals, and overarching values we represent as a company. Normally, I would pick at my split ends in the back of the room and eat my free lunch and dip out the back door unnoticed. However, today was different.
Today, I felt inspired by women who have found a work life balance I aspire to with their level of achievement. Today I realized with discipline and hard work, I have the world at my fingertips. Does anyone else sell themselves short? I have been everyday for a long time. I think when I first got a job in this company I was looking at it as a means to an end. I needed to work, and I took the first administrative job offered to me. I had no idea I would be here for two and a half years and counting with goals and aspirations to continue to push up the chain of command. I thought I would have a mom-profit position helping people in a third world country contracting sickness and writing about my heart sick cause with my first book on the shelves. However, what I am realizing is not only did that not happen, but that God used this opportunity to show me I am valuable in ways I never realized.
January 1st I began a journey, that I believed would only be physical, but what I am discovering is I needed a mind rejuvenation. I cannot believe I have doubted myself so deeply for so long. Whenever I set a goal for myself I do not believe I can meet it. I have a friend who is the opposite when it comes to physical goals - sometimes I think she thinks there is nothing she can't do. I want to charge after so many things, and today I started to believe I can.
I am learning that with a little bit of discipline I can do whatever I put my mind to. Sure, sometimes it will be difficult, and sure you may be reading this and are thinking about how obvious it is, but even if you are, can you dig deep within you and decide whether you believe in yourself in every aspect? Lately, I tell people I am training for a 10k (which I still can't believe) and so many people respond with, "I couldn't do that" - seriously?
I think you mean you don't want to do that... They do not believe they can!
Sorry to drag on and on - I'll wrap this up. Today I saw something in myself I have been in denial of for a long time. Today I had a refreshing of believing in myself again. Today I realized that with effort and energy I can be a runner, a painter, a professional, and a loving wife and all it takes is discipline and devotion, which I have.
I am ready to fall in love with life all over again.