I think there is something to be said for actually saying when you are sorry, you were wrong, or you were in denial. I always hear people say they have moved on, but in reality, they have not - based on their actions, words, or aggression towards the other person. Even if it is passive aggressive, it is still not a healthy way to approach someone or something.
I strongly believe, in order to move on in your heart and head and life, you MUST verbally and/or publicly apologize. People hide behind emails and text messages these days, when what is important is to have the awkward conversation. Sometimes distance prevents the actual conversation, and an email is all you have. However, there is something about sitting in front of a person and pouring your heart out to them. They feel your pain and they see your hurt. If it is possible, it should be your first resort, not the last one. Technology prevents honest conversation often.
I recently had an encounter with someone that I constantly claimed I had “moved on” from. Our friendship disintegrated years ago, and it was something that still burned in my heart. When I thought of this girl, I cringed. It was a huge hole and something I needed to address. I struggled with trust in my female friendships that stemmed directly from this. I am not proud to say, I spoke unkindly of her – and I realized that was from the hurt I had endured. However, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR POOR BEHAVIOR. No one makes you act immature or inconsistent. Everyone (and I do mean everyone) deserves respect.
I can say with assuredness, that I was not proud of the way I treated this girl. I sent her an email (which I know I just preached against, but we are 3000 miles away and it was our only option) and took the time to apologize for the way I spoke of her, the way I acted about how our friendship ended, and the way I have been approaching her since. I told her I loved her and would be praying for her future. I asked for healing and grace. She understood and mirrored my feelings. However, if she had not felt the same way, it did not change the fact that I needed to do it. It brought healing. What is equally important is ACTUALLY being sorry. Get to the point in your spirit where you are humble before the other person, regardless of what they did.
I want to encourage you today. Please, for yourself and for others, find forgiveness in your heart. Mend broken relationships and give people a second chance. If anyone has popped into your head during this post, please contact them and offer them your love. Life is fragile and time is precious.
Love this post Ryan! Just had my own 'apology' moment a few weeks ago, and it was the hardest thing to do, considering my aversion to any confrontation whatsoever. :) Going to link this post up to my blog today, if you don't mind? :) Love you long lost sister!ReplyDelete
1) I miss you. 2) I would love if you linked up my blog whenever you want, no need to ask permission :) and 3) save the date September 29th. Baltimore. Can't wait for the hug!