Articulating can be tough for most people, but generally not for me. I pride myself on always being able to clearly speak my mind, but getting my thoughts out has been a mess lately. Have you ever felt emotional for no reason? Honestly, I have no more problems than anyone else - in fact, I live a pretty privileged existence! There is no reason for me to complain and be exhausted and to constantly wish for something else or somewhere else, but I still find myself wishing and wanting something - anything else. The grass is always greener right? I really do think that is true.
I feel like my life is a library, there are millions of emotions on the shelf, and I'm throwing them around and picking them up and not committing to one. I read a few pages and then pick up another one and my library is a disaster and the books are all over the floor and pages are torn out and there are words strewn about and the mess of it all frustrates me so much that instead of picking up and making order in the chaos instead I get upset and continue to throw more on the ground. I want to cry from the stress of it all. I try to read other books to deal with the stress but they just veer me off the coarse of fully reading the first book. It's all circular and exhausting (as is this post).
The point of my "metaphor" which may be easier explained in person than in this fashion, is that I feel like a mess of an emotion. I am not used to this and am not sure what to do about it. Why does this usually equate to me taking it out on the people I love. Why do I get frustrated about such silly things?
Is it possible to just stop worrying and be fully present for even a day? Why can't I just focus on the day and time I am in rather than constantly thinking about what I am going to do? I know it is natural, but I refuse to use human nature as an excuse to sell myself short.
My prayer this coming week is to be present in every situation. Not to wish I was somewhere else with someone else always and not be enjoying my present company. God grant me peace in each situation I am in to know it is exactly where you want me that day and time. Show me how to love each person around me specifically to them and to continue to grow in my patience and understanding for each person you have put in my life.
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