Dealing With My Emotions

Articulating can be tough for most people, but generally not for me. I pride myself on always being able to clearly speak my mind, but getting my thoughts out has been a mess lately. Have you ever felt emotional for no reason? Honestly, I have no more problems than anyone else - in fact, I live a pretty privileged existence! There is no reason for me to complain and be exhausted and to constantly wish for something else or somewhere else, but I still find myself wishing and wanting something - anything else. The grass is always greener right? I really do think that is true.

I feel like my life is a library, there are millions of emotions on the shelf, and I'm throwing them around and picking them up and not committing to one. I read a few pages and then pick up another one and my library is a disaster and the books are all over the floor and pages are torn out and there are words strewn about and the mess of it all frustrates me so much that instead of picking up and making order in the chaos instead I get upset and continue to throw more on the ground. I want to cry from the stress of it all. I try to read other books to deal with the stress but they just veer me off the coarse of fully reading the first book. It's all circular and exhausting (as is this post).

The point of my "metaphor" which may be easier explained in person than in this fashion, is that I feel like a mess of an emotion. I am not used to this and am not sure what to do about it. Why does this usually equate to me taking it out on the people I love. Why do I get frustrated about such silly things?

Is it possible to just stop worrying and be fully present for even a day? Why can't I just focus on the day and time I am in rather than constantly thinking about what I am going to do? I know it is natural, but I refuse to use human nature as an excuse to sell myself short.

My prayer this coming week is to be present in every situation. Not to wish I was somewhere else with someone else always and not be enjoying my present company. God grant me peace in each situation I am in to know it is exactly where you want me that day and time. Show me how to love each person around me specifically to them and to continue to grow in my patience and understanding for each person you have put in my life.

Comments

In the Nursery: Whole Hearted Parenting Manifesto

I recently finished a book by Brene Brown titled, DaringGreatly . It really moved me, and I am definitely still processing it. At the beginning of the book I wasn’t resonating deeply with the topic of vulnerability, as most people will tell you I am an “open book”. I will answer most questions without holding back and love to deep dive into good conversation. However, what I came to realize through her many examples is that we all wrestle with vulnerability, guilt and shame throughout this book even if is more momentary than constant. I gleaned SO MUCH from this book that I did not anticipate, and I thought I would share this Parenting Manifesto that she put right at the end of the book. I am printing it and framing it for our nursery, as I think it communicates some deep parts of my heart cry for parenting my kiddos well. I hope this resonates with someone else as much as it did with me. I needed these words to remind me that parenting is not a checklist,

At the Library - May through September 2019 Reading

We had another baby in May (SO much more on that later) and blogging has obviously taken a back seat, but I am still reading for pleasure and have managed, in my sons first four months of life, to complete these 8 books! Y'all, I remember a time when even completing 2 books a year would have sincerely sounded daunting, much less with a newborn. If you want to read more, you can find the time! Take stock of your days and see where you are wasting hours. For some of these, I listened to the audio book while I was pumping or watering the garden. Rather than give you an individual breakdown of each of these books, I just want to report I found them all incredibly enjoyable. A total cross section of a food memoir to a psychology deep dive to nature centric novels, I would recommend them all in different capacities. We have fallen a bit behind on our Bible reading, but we WILL finish by the end of the year. You do not make it to September

A Penny For Your Thoughts - Looking Back & Missing Italy

I took this my first day in Italy, and will always remember my town just like this... I realized something about my writing the other day, and that is that I am much more present in my writing than I am in my brain. I am constantly thinking back, but I never write about my past. Sure, I write a story here or there reminiscing on my African travel, but rarely do you hear about my life pre-California unless it is in reference to my family. Lately, I have found myself pining for Italy. Did you know I lived there? Probably not, because I rarely mention it! I knew I was going to love it there, but it has stuck with me since the moment I left. I have wanted to go back every minute of every day since then. The simplicity of life, the emphasis on slowing down, the architecture, the food, the flowers, the people, the color, the trains, the bikes, the gelato, the smiles and laughter, the wine, and the cities are only scratching the surface of things I love from the bea

Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood

Search This Blog